Masturbating and Robbery just got complicated

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When I see in a newspaper article the words “spraying” and “DNA,” my interest level automatically peaks and thoughts of delightful porn vids frollick in my mind.

Unfortunately, this article turned out to be something completely different. Based on the amount of DNA I spray for free on a daily basis, they could have asked me to sign up as the main source for their secret sauce. I guess I’m going to have to shut down my fertility website…