Things To Avoid This Weekend: V-Day Edition

It’s Valentines Day weekend!  Lovers and choc-aholics around the world rejoice!  Well if your a normal human and see right through this truly dumb holiday then you’ll be catching a temporary case of agoraphobia by holing up in your house and avoiding places like bars, restaurants, movie theaters, sidewalks, and the general outside world all weekend.  While your wallowing in your own self loathing and loneliness here are a few things to not watch.

Movies

Vaelentines Day:  Of course you should avoid going to the movies all together this weekend, as most of the stuff out now is horrible but if you do, don’t spend your hard earned cash on Valentines Day.   Don’t let your girlfriend (or boyfriend for that matter, hey girl heeey) drag you to see that piece of crap no matter how funny-in-an-ironic-way they say it will be.  It won’t.  Here’s what will happen: you’ll make it as far as the Ashton Kutcher segment and then freak out and leave in disgust because hes so consistently horrible at everything he does an yet gets paid like hes some acting/comedy heavy weight.  You’ll demand your money back, won’t get it, and then go home having your whole day/night ruined.  Avoid like the plague, trust me.

TV

Platinum Weddings: WE 8pm - Holy crap, I didn’t know that the WE channel was making TV shows aimed specifically to piss me off!  What about this show’s description sounds interesting to anyone, no matter how girly?  ” Imagine a wedding day in which no detail is too minuscule, no wish is too extravagant and no request is unattainable. It’s a dream come true for any bride-to-be. Join WE tv for the ultimate wedding show that captures the drama and decadence of wedding planning on an extraordinary budget!”  To make matters worse, its a Platinum Weddings marathon.  Christ, isn’t there something good on Lifetime or Oxygen on?

Half Ton Teen: TLC 8pm - After filling the void that was left by your lack of Valentines date by stuffing yourself with chocolate and fast food all weekend the last thing you’ll want to watch is a story about an 800 pound teen and his horribly pathetic life.  You’ll be hiding the knives on yourself in no time.

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